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Now browsing: Hometown News > Columnist Archives > Counseling - Feng Shui

Excess free advice causes uncertainty
Rating: 2.88 / 5 (209 votes)  
Posted: 2008 Feb 01 - 02:55

Are you receiving too much unwanted and unappreciated advice? Do you feel as though you are on "overwhelm" because everyone else wants to run your life for you? Are some of these pieces of advice so pointed and piercing that they are painful and un-nerving?

Well-intentioned people often give abundant but not helpful advice. Almost everyone has family members, friends, peers and associates who are more than willing to provide free unwanted advice on almost everything.

Unfortunately, the more you listen to these supposedly well-intentioned people, the more confused you become and the more out of control your logical thinking becomes. This process begins a downward spiral of lowering your self-confidence, self-esteem, rational decision-making process and clarity.

Free advice overload

A good example of an unwanted advice experience is my friends on the west coast. She is selling her house to join her grown children and grandchildren 1,000 miles away. Her children's house sold quickly and they moved ahead. Hers is still on the market. She is now stuck, according to her friends and neighbors. She knew her life was not filled with peace, balance and good feng shui energy. The problem is, she didn't understand why.

She is getting advice that ranges from "reduce the price again" to "you need to repaint the entire interior of your home." Or from, "don't move, you don't need to be so close to the children" to "save your money, you should live with your children." Or even from, "buy new furniture so your house shows better, you sent too much ahead" to "get rid of all that old stuff and make the house almost empty, but look new."

She even got advice on quitting her job to move immediately, getting a second job, fixing up her old car to drive the 1,000 miles with her two dogs, to getting rid of the car immediately. She had so much advice dumped on her she was bewildered, discouraged and confused.

Take control

In order for my friend to take back control of her life, she needed to decide how to evaluate the advice that was thrust at her then process it, retaining only that which would really help her make a positive energy difference in her life. The remainder she needed to immediately discard.

I suggested she take a plain piece of paper and divide it down the center. Label the left column "free advice" and the right column "I don't think so"(her title). I suggested she list in the left column every possible suggestion and idea she's been given, even thoughts that she later had that were the result of the pointed comments of others.

In the right column all she needed to list were the specific goals she wanted to reach, such as selling her house, maintaining an income and moving as soon as possible to be with her family again.

Once the lists were completed it was much easier for her to evaluate exactly what advice would be helpful in meeting her goals, which ideas were not relevant and which were totally intrusive and none of anyone else's business.

She told me, "When I actually put it in writing ... it seemed pretty clear and most of the supposedly well-meaning people gave advice that was pretty silly."

This simple process of creating two lists and evaluating the advice in column one with the goals in column two gives the clarity needed to help you focus on the important positive energy action to take, while eliminating the outside noise and clutter created by all the free advice.

The next time you are surrounded by well-meaning advice givers, thank them for their offers of help with a smile. Instead of agonizing about what you should do or not do, immediately write their suggestions on a piece of paper. Evaluate it against your stated goals. If it turns out to be a good suggestion, place it on a "maybe" list and review it again at a later date or put it into action. If it just doesn't work for you, eliminate the idea and do not give it a second thought.

You will be in total control through this process. The best feng shui energy you can ask for is to be in control of yourself and your surroundings.

Use the "free advice/ I don't think so" method to eliminate the negative energy of excessive advice and determine what provides only positive energy so you stay in-control.

Pat Heydlauff is a feng shui consultant, public speaker, columnist and artist. For feng shui consultations and energy design work in the home or office call her at (561) 799-3443 or e-mail her, balancingenergy@bellsouth.net or visit her Web site, www.energy-by-design.com.





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