"Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you, I want to see you..."
-Lyrics by Michael W. Smith
Have you ever been asked this question?: Are you the type of person who says "Good morning God!" or are you someone who says, "Good God it's morning?"
Well, I have a confession to make. I am the latter. You know the type; we wake up grumbling with eyes squinched shut, flailing around to turn off light switches, as we make our way over to the coffeepot to hover and wait for just one sip.
That's right; I am that person, and have always been that person, much to my family's chagrin.
It's not like I haven't tried to find ways to just wake up like a piece of toast; to be one of "those" people who get out of bed grinning and whistling, but so far I have failed.
It's not because of sleep deprivation, at least not always.
And it's not because I woke on the wrong side of the bed either, at least not usually.
I think it's because of the deep mystery of the dreams I have: vivid and colorful, wild and believable.
Everything about real life seems unbearable when you spend your nights in a personal wonderland of unimaginable adventure!
If you were to meet me after 10 a.m., you wouldn't believe my confession. By 10 a.m., I am just as smiley and chipper as those of you who wake up happy as a lark.
It's before 10 a.m. that I need help.
I desperately need help. Everything before 10 a.m. seems too loud to me, too bright, and just downright too happy if I'm honest.
I know I'm not the only one who wakes up like a bear, so am I the only one out there, who feels a great weight of guilt hanging over me because of it?
I've been this way all my life, but the confused stares of my daughter and silent criticism of my housemates just make me feel so - guilty.
I have scoured the scriptures for references to sleep.
The most popular being from Proverbs 6:9, but I also found another to meditate upon from the book of Luke, where Jesus tells his disciples the parable of the sower.
After finishing the story Jesus asks, "Are you listening to this? Really listening?"
To which his disciples reply, "Why did you tell this story?"
And Jesus says, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom- you know how it works. There are others who need stories. But even with stories some of them aren't going to get it: Their eyes are open but don't see a thing, Their ears are open but don't hear a thing." -Luke 8
Why do I tell this story? Why do I feel so guilty about a personality trait I have had my whole that's not quite a sin?
It's because this trait of mine scatters seeds on unfertile soil. Because I know that there are people in the world, who would give anything to wake up just one more day; there are those who have loved ones incapacitated by illness or tragedy and are just waiting for the day they see those eyes open again.
And here I am awake, but not seeing; hearing, but not listening. And so I pray.
I pray for wisdom to enjoy the sunrise; pray for those who wake up in lack or in sickness; pray for those families beset by catastrophe through no fault of their own.
I pray with gratitude to God for another day to set things right and to find joy in another day.
I pray for the eyes of my heart to be open because I'm trying to do better, to be a better Christian.
So, starting today, I will say "Good Morning God!"
And I will even try to say it before 10 a.m.
Amy Lewis lives with her husband and daughter in Palm Bay and is a longtime member of Riviera United Church of Christ.