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Now browsing: Hometown News > Golf > James Stammer


Dreams of a presidential golfing invite
Rating: 4.09 / 5 (11 votes)  
Posted: 2013 Mar 01 - 08:55

I was in the midst of a very deep sleep, the kind that leads to the best of dreams.

Suddenly, I was awakened by the sound of my phone ringing. I answered, and on the other end was a voice I thought I recognized.

"Good morning," said the voice on the other end. "Are you up for a round of golf today?"

I'm never one to turn down a round of golf, so I instantly shook off the cobwebs, sat up, checked the clock and replied, "When and where?"

I was told to get dressed, and that a car would be waiting in front of my house in 20 minutes sharp and then the line went dead. It usually takes me twice that time to stop hitting the snooze bar, but that morning I bolted from bed, grabbed a quick shower, threw on my best golf wear and grabbed my sticks.

As I opened the door, there in front of my house was a sinister looking black SUV with two gentlemen standing beside it. Even at this ungodly early hour they wore dark sunglasses, black suits and ties, and not a hint of a smile.

"Good morning guys," I said as the larger of the two took my clubs and opened the back door to the SUV. As I climbed in, his partner and driver, strangely began talking to the cuff links on his right sleeve.

"Bogey man is loaded and heading to tee," he said.

I started to complain about my new nickname but thought better of it. These two clearly had not had any coffee yet.

With flashing blue lights we headed out of my neighborhood, raced down a blocked-off road and down U.S. 1. I swear we ran at least three red lights and hit 100 mph. Whatever this vehicle is, I have got to get me one!

Over the bridge and into Palm City we went. As we rolled through the gates at Floridian National Golf Club and up to the clubhouse, there waiting for me were two men. One I immediately recognized, but the other I had no clue who he could be.

We came to an abrupt stop, my door was opened and as I stepped out, I was asked how the ride was.

"I really need one of these," I said to the gentleman whom I didn't recognize.

It was then that the man I did know stepped up, "I think I may need that back in Washington," he said putting out his hand. "President Barack Obama."

I shook his hand and introduced myself. He said he knew who I was and went on to explain why I was there.

Over the weekend, he was in town for a little rest, relaxation and golf. He was staying at the Floridian with a few friends as well as the other gentleman, Jim Crane, who was the owner of the club.

The president had gotten a few lessons to ready him to take on Tiger Woods the following day and needed a practice round to test his game.

The White House thought, "Who better to be a sacrificial lamb than the local golf writer and radio host?"

I joined the president and Mr. Crane for a wonderful breakfast as we watched the sun rise over the St. Lucie River. After having our fill of eggs, crispy bacon, home fries, fresh squeezed orange juice, and the most wonderful cup of coffee, we were ready to go.

As we warmed up, the President kept talking to himself, remembering the swing tips he'd been given. Being a tad nervous, I hit my first warm-up shots fat. The President laughed and started to give me a tip, but thought better of it and kept it to himself.

In typical Washington D.C. fashion, our round would be played using "Electoral College" match play rules. In other words, winning the harder holes would be worth more than winning the easier holes.

Since there can be no ties in elections, there had to be a winner on every hole. If we tied the hole, the guys in the black suits would vote on who played the hole best and that is who would win the hole.

Confused? So was I, but somehow it made perfect sense to everyone else.

The first few holes went uneventfully, with us trading wins. At the turn, I had a slim lead. My advantage was short-lived as a dramatic and unexpected eagle at the tough 13th hole turned the match in the President's favor.

As we reached the 16th hole, the President was clinging to a narrow lead, thanks in part to help from the secret service. I couldn't see them, but they were hiding all over the place, and any time the President would hit a stray shot into the trees, it would come bounding back to the fairway a moment later.

I won the 17th with a great birdie, and our match was tied. We then both hit two wonderful shots on the 18th. My birdie putt slipped just past the hole and the President lined up a slippery six-footer for the win. At that moment, I leaned over, picked up his ball and conceded the hole and match.

It's important for a president to have confidence. The win would mean more to him and our country than to me.

A firm handshake later and we were off for cigars and drinks. Just as we walked off the green, my phone rang. Actually it was my alarm. I awoke with a start and shook my head. Darn, it was just one of those deep-sleep dreams.

James Stammer has been an avid golfer and golf enthusiast for nearly 40 years. He hosts the Thursday Night Golf Show on WSTU 1450-AM. Contact him at stammergolf@yahoo.com.




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